Portraits of a Lady

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A besta

Avassaladora, a besta apodera-se de mim violentamente. Atira-me, abana-me, possui-me.

Mundo de solidão, este. Como um silêncio pesado, de voz grave.

A besta isola-me, prende-me, assusta-me. É como ter medo do escuro, mas quando há luz.

Criatura que vem desanunciada e me deixa num vazio de explicações egoístas.

A besta arranca-me o coração, cospe-o na minha cara depois de tão profundos sentimentos. Expõe-me, enfraquece-me.

É como chorar todos os dias quando deito a cabeça na almofada. Enche-me de todos os sentimentos mais injustos, mais precários.

A besta é a metáfora para o sofrimento, é aliteração em todos os sons que doem.

A besta é o amor que habita em mim.

Corrupt You

.I could corrupt you in a heartbeat.

Depeche Mode

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Grito

"Silêncio!

Do silêncio faço um grito

Que o corpo todo me dói

Deixai-me chorar um pouco..."

Notes from a small town Paris

It'll be three months since I got here. Paris is different, the light is beautiful and the sights gorgeous. I was quite amazed to find that Paris is actually the city of love, as the cliché tells us. Of course, the cliché was more of a urban myth for me, but it only served to tell me otherwise. As you walk the Seine you see couples sitting down, enjoying each other, being lovely.

However, it isn't all beautiful. The first few weeks were horrible! I even spend 9 hours sitting in front of a door (at uni) trying to sign up for the courses I wanted to take. I was one of the last ones to go in only to find out that more than half of the courses I was interested in were already full! Plus, whenever there's a problem, it's never no one's fault, they pass it along to someone else "Oh, it isn't here, try the next door!"; "We can't take care of that here, try the door on your left". Meaning you never get anything done or sorted out in time. 
Nonetheless, people in the shops are generally rude and things (and food) are too over priced. The good thing is you get to go to museums for free if you're under 26 and have a European nationality. Sarkozy had to do something right, n'est-ce pas?

Meeting lots of people is certainly one of the great aspects of being a student in such a 'studenty' city, plus as an Erasmus. You never run out of things to do, there's always something going on or somewhere you haven't been before.

It's not hard to find a job if you're looking for some extra money. Baby-sitting is a very common activity. Supermarkets need students and their time flexibility. If you end up living in a building with nice neighbours they'll probably give you something to do (those who have kids of course). 

The weather is beautiful. Autumn came in all its splendour and allowed for some gorgeous days and lovely colours. Winter is arriving and you can feel it. Despite the low temperatures and the rain nothing keeps you away from the cafés, the bookshops or from walking around the city centre. Cafés have heating outside so it's as lovely as being inside, with the plus that you can smoke (if you do).

Yes, it gets lonely and yes, you miss things and people, but the personal growth you experience throughout the tough time make you feel like everything's got a purpose. You learn so much about yourself that, after some time, you don't really care whether you're feeling lonely or not. Truth be told, this is how the story goes for me, but we all have different ways of dealing with this. What i want to say is... you'll take something extremely positive out of this even if sometimes you're feel somehow depressed.

I've got to go to work, so I'll probably add on things later.

I give my heart to you, love

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Open yourself to me

"I'm not used to this. I'm not used to you. I'm not used to having someone so close who I can talk to and I can rely on. That just makes me feel weak. And I'm frightened, because it's a scary thing, love"

In Sugar Rush

Magia em Palco

Klaus Schulze & Lisa Gerrard @ La Cigale, Paris - September 29th 2009

A ti, meu Amor*

Will you stay?

tell me, will you stay or will you run away..?

É tempo de viver

Em tempo de viver, queixamo-nos

em tempo de ouvir, falamos

quando tentamos falar, calamo-nos

e quando cai o silêncio, nele ficamos.

Em tempo de amar, não amamos

Detestamos e arrependemo-nos

Num novo tempo de amar, já é tarde demais,

Em tempo de viver, não vivemos, não amamos, morremos...

É tempo de viver!

Late

you're too late...

"There's a story about the greek gods. There were bored so they invented human beings, but they were still bored so they invented love. Then, they weren't bored any longer, so they decided to try love for themselves and, finally, they invented laughter so they could stand it."

in Feast of Love (2007)

Broken Strings

[Although I'm a general disbeliever of 21st century pop music, these lyrics make me shiver inside... it'd be too cliché to say they hit home... but I might as well use those words as my own.]

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Oh and I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last change to feel again

Graciosité

Teardrop

Last Song

They say it's the last song

They don't know us, you see

It's only the last song

If we let it be

in Dancer in the Dark

And I'm always afraid of that last song...

Dancing With Myself

"When there's no one else in sight...
There's nothing to lose and there's nothing to prove
If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance!"

Because we all learn, sooner or later, to dance with ourselves. If we don't we fall apart.

Conto de Fadas

Um,
Dois,
Três contos de fada
Apenas o nosso é real
Apenas o nosso é calor
Só o nosso existe.

A perfeição de um toque
A doçura de um beijo
A cumplicidade de um olhar

Os risos
As gargalhadas mudas.
Os passos dados simultaneamente
A gentileza das tuas mãos no meu corpo.
O meu corpo sedento do teu
Nós as duas... apenas!

As palavras sussuradas
Por vezes, gritadas ao mundo!
Cada passo, cada beijo
Cada gesto, cada toque
Emoções fortes! Emoções mágicas!
Cada lágrima, cada flor
Cada história, cada conto
Só nós somos, só nós respiramos
Porque só o nosso é que verdadeiramente existe.

[escrito em 2005 em épocas aúreas e cujo título deu nome a este meu canto :)]

Aime moi

"aime moi moins, mais aime moi longtemps"

in Les Chansons d'Amour

Amor

"Olho o céu sem fim à espera de ver a mesma estrela que tu vês.
Procuro os viajantes que chegam de toda a parte na esperança de encontrar alguém que tenha cheirado o teu perfume.
Enfrento os ventos à espera que ele me traga uma mensagem tua.
Vagueio pelos caminhos na esperança de ouvir uma canção que fala de ti.
E olho as mulheres que encontro só para descobrir, nos rostos delas, um toque da tua beleza."

Álvaro de Magalhães in Guardado no Coração

Don't bring me down

"Don't bring me down, I beg you
Don't bring me down, I won't let you
Don't bring me down"

[Sia]

Moonlike person

"You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to no burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has dealt blows before. You tend to think about things alot more than other people. And you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about what would happen later.You are also the type of person that others often come to you with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely. Your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed.You usually are logical, and rely alot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases"

Somebody

.

"How many times have you told me you loved her

How many times have I done this to myself...

Goodnight"

Fear(s)

I'm afraid of not being enough,
Afraid of not being pretty enough,
Free enough,
Dangerous enough,
Smart enough
I fear of not being talented enough
Strong enough
Addictive enough
I'm afraid of not being enough for you
Not being interesting enough
Sweet enough
Understanding enough
I'm afraid of not being able to reach the skies for you
Of not being able to paint with all the colours
Of not singing loud enough
Of not whispering enough that I love you
Of not knowing how to keep you close to me.

I'm afraid of not being good enough for you.

(desabafos)

O Mundo

O mundo, como sonho, não existe.
O mundo, como conheço, não é inteiro. As peças que o compõem são fracas e facilmente perecem quando confrontadas com males maiores.
O mundo, como conheço, é podre.
O mundo, como experiencio, há muito se descompôs. As peças de papelão deste enorme puzzle embebem e desfazem-se em águas geladas. Desprovidas de qualquer tolerância ou de outro qualquer sentimento nobre.
O mundo, como vejo, enche-se de lágrimas, de suspiros, de gritos ignorados em pedido de ajuda, de desespero, de tristeza, de solidão…
O mundo, como testemunho, sofre de falta de compreensão. Falta de igualdades, de liberdades, de amores livres e não denunciados. De mentes sãs, de pessoas felizes, de paisagens verdes, de céus azuis e voos sem queda.

Quem nele habita surpreende-me, excita-me, revolta-me, decepciona-me, mata-me.

I don't tell you how to pray so don't tell me how to love!

HIPOCHRISTIANITY!

'Amelia'

I first saw this film in 2006 and right then fell in love with it =)

directed by Édouard Lock and released in 2003

walking on broken glass

"it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass"

Emiliana Torrini

Gig at St. George's Church, Brighton, UK - March 14th 2009 - SIMPLY BREATHTAKING

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The End of 'The L Word'

And we've come to the end of one of the most daring and brilliantly original TV series, The L Word.
Some people may argue that it was all about sex: point taken, but not quite true. The sex was hot, indeed and we all know that sex sells so we need to make use of it! C'mon, we're in a capitalist society, money is what matters the most (despite the lousy efforts to make us think otherwise). Sex equals audience, which then equals money.
Nonetheless, it was so much more than some shallow hot sex: it dealt with so many taboos, it hit home another many times and we've grown, as the characters did. Not in the same way and most certainly in different paths, but at the end of the day we've evolved. We all did. We've lived through them.
We've come to love (or hate) these ladies and few gentlemen.
- The lovely Bette and Tina, an inspiration!
- Kit, strong yet vulnerable, kind and generous.
- Alice - oh, Alice - when it came to love she had no luck, which leads me to Dana (great fun and so naive) and Tasha (a dream).
- Shane - dear, Shane - there's so much we can tell about her. I see her as the incarnation of the stereotype: she's got that androgynous look; she takes drugs, parties all the time and sleeps around for the sake of it (I am aware that we know another side to her and I have to admit that she does have an impact on myself. I should also add that I'm a disbeliever of stereotyping, labelling and such other categorising activities);
- Jenny! - complex, without a doubt - the one I personally came to hate - she's self-centred; self-destructive (and wants to take everyone with her); calculating; fake, et cetera (trust me, the list could go on). Her character is, however, cleverly built and it would give Freud another 20 years of study!
- Helena - a hopeless romantic - the development of her throughout is delicious to watch and we can't help but to love her;

Six seasons, hundreds of episodes and the not wanting to let go. Tears, laughter and a huge 'mélange' of feelings they've given and taken with them. New sensations, new debates, clash of ideas, controversy! Perfect ingredients for an addictive TV series - and yes, the sex!!! -

Raya I

Righteousness

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."

~ Nin, Anaïs ~

Las Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me

~ The Smiths ~